love, divorce & quarantine
Being in close quarters for extended periods of time can be taxing for any couple at any point. A quarantine, when there are current underlying “hot spots” of resentment and poor communication could be overwhelming to any relationship. This is a heightened experience as we can’t simply move or remove ourselves from the quarantine headquarters – so to speak.
This virus has us all concerned. A decrease in assets and less to go around can make an amicable divorce even more difficult. It is also quite possible that some of you will choose reconciliation in order to avoid the financial division. If this is the case – please dig in. When all of this passes there is a high probability that old patterns will come back with a vengeance. So if you are thinking reconciliation I urge each of you to take this time to learn about you and how you show up in relationship. What are your patterns, your attachment style and love language? What does communication 101 look like? How do we implement and dig in? If any of these questions make you want to know the answers simply reach out anytime. Otherwise, there are tools and rules that you can immediately implement to help take the edge off while in close quarters.
While this quarantine time is a time where you can address some of the hot topics on the table there is a likely chance that attempted sharing of feelings without guidelines and how to’s will likely result in additional hurt feelings. And we all know that once the words have been uttered we can not take them back – no matter how remorseful we may be.
At the end of the day we need to tap into compassion. If we can be compassionate towards our boyfriend, girlfriend, soon to be ex while we are forced into close quarters compassion will get us across the finish line. Because compassion gives the gift of forgiveness. Here’s the kicker. In order to have forgiveness for someone you need to find compassion for them first. Yes, even compassion for betrayal.
Forgiveness can be a sticky topic in my office. Forgiveness requires awareness, it requires courage and it requires forgiveness of self – hence the sticky part.
But in the midst of this massive unknown that surrounds us, isn’t it worth spending the time asking questions that may ultimately help you understand where your partner is coming from? Understanding someone is the path to compassion. And once you have genuine compassion you can forgive. And when you forgive you are free of anger and resentment. Because anger and resentment can not co-exist with heartfelt compassion, they just can’t.
Talk to your partner or soon to be ex. Dig in and show up. Make the best of this situation as we may likely be here for a couple of months. Why not look back on this and feel so damn happy and proud that you chose and actually did make the best of it? Imagine if you come out of this quarantine and while you may still choose to end your relationship, you can do it with a sense of peace, as opposed to an anger that in and of itself with make you sick.
I vote for compassion and love. I vote for pulling up your socks and truly making the best of it.
In the meantime, here’s another piece about how to get through the holidays, and while this COVID-19 situation is certainly different than the holiday season, there are some similarities. I hope that one of these blogs gives you a little something you can work with.
Christina, on behalf of the GD